What Is Self Love?

There are many articles on what self love is, and what it is not.

 It makes sense that self love would mean to love yourself. To forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with respect.

 And it is all of these things.

 But these things are the outcome of having the embodied experience of self love. They don’t represent the essence of what self love is.

To explain self love, I need to share my own experience.

Ever since I was young, I started to dislike things about my body (through what I thought, and what I was told). I was too skinny, too short, my ears stuck out, I was different, I wasn’t cool enough, I didn’t fit in, my mind would never shut up.

Then I got older and health issues began. In my gut, mental health, hormonal health and other things. I hated my body for being so sensitive and for not shifting my symptoms, no matter what I tried or how much study I did.

Then I started to work with mindset and I wished my thought patterns would go away or be different. I resented the way I would respond to situations, people please and avoid conflict.

And later, I began to work with the body. It became very clear to me how much I had repressed my emotions over the years and all the ways in which I was trying to avoid feeling them.

I started processing and integrating past traumas, expanding my nervous system’s capacity to feel my feelings, and allowing all parts of me to come forward and be witnessed.

What I mean by that is, I started listening to the parts I hadn’t wanted to listen to before. The mean girl, jealous girl, resentful girl. The sad girl, the angry girl and all other parts of me that I had denied, ignored, or deemed as unworthy.

I untied from the grip of ego and became more intimate with my Self/Soul.

This was not a quick or easy process.  It took months of gentle opening and devoted work. Realistically, it probably took over a year for all the shame and judgement that I had buried inside of me to be alchemised.

Then one day, it hit me.

I realised that I would not change a single thing about myself. Not physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically or in any other way.

If someone offered me an exit from the health issues and patterns I previously thought were ruining my life, I wouldn’t take it.

And this was it. This was the moment I knew what true self love is.

It is the deep knowing that you ARE love.

All of you, every part of you, is love. You love yourself because you are love. You love yourself for all that you are, not for what you wish you were.

I could never have imagined I would get to a point in my life where I wouldn’t want to change anything about myself. I have berated and judged myself and my body for most of my life, and to not have this compulsion in me anymore is, well, a miracle really.

Self love is really a journey home. It’s a journey back into your body, to make peace with your mind, and to open your heart.

When we don’t have self love, we are constantly seeking it from others. This is one reason we people please – we are looking for approval or validation. And so, in all our interactions, we are really trying to get something from others – love and/or approval.

This means that we are not really focused on the other person and what we can do for them – we are focused on what they can do for us (subconsciously).

I wanted to share this because there is this idea that self love is selfish or egotistical. When in fact, it’s the complete opposite.

If we can give ourselves the love we need, that love will overflow to others. Our interactions can be more about them instead of us.

 And whatever we give, we also receive. We give love, we receive it back. We give neediness, we receive it back. It doesn’t seem fair sometimes, but it’s just one of those Universal ‘laws’.

I hope this article has inspired you, or given you permission if you needed it, to deepen into your own self love journey. Your journey back to you.